


pockets full of stones

by haipollai



Category: Captain America
Genre: Alternate Universe, Artist Steve, Getting Back Together, Kept Man, M/M, Offscreen Slut Shaming, Sexual Content, pretending to be dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-09
Updated: 2013-01-09
Packaged: 2017-11-24 08:09:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/632290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haipollai/pseuds/haipollai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>No one knows what to make of Bucky Barnes. He shows up on Steve's arm, accompanies him to events. They call them cute, adorable, the newest It couple for the gay community.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>Bucky is with Steve at his next big gallery opening, and is his plus one at a gala held by the New York Ballet. He's a little shy, a little awkward, but he makes up for it with a smile and easy flirting. They're seen at dinner together, and someone spots Bucky leaving Steve's apartment complex in the morning, looking properly disheveled.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>They seem perfect. So there must be a secret.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	pockets full of stones

No one knows what to make of Bucky Barnes. He shows up on Steve's arm, accompanies him to events. They call them cute, adorable, the newest It couple for the gay community.

Bucky is with Steve at his next big gallery opening, and is his plus one at a gala held by the New York Ballet. He's a little shy, a little awkward, but he makes up for it with a smile and easy flirting. They're seen at dinner together, and someone spots Bucky leaving Steve's apartment complex in the morning, looking properly disheveled.

They seem perfect. So there must be a secret.

When it comes out that Bucky is being paid, and it's all an act, no one shows their surprise. They say it was obvious, Bucky must have blackmailed him, Steve would never really go for some nobody like Bucky. Steve is acquitted of all charges based on Bucky' own testimony.

It puts Steve's name in the papers and suddenly everyone wants to know about Steve Rogers. They all want to know why he paid for sex (which he didn't, he says, over and over, but they don't listen). But his art starts selling; his own art. Not just the commissions he's done. He was already well off but, suddenly, he's made it.

It puts Bucky' name in the papers but no one wants to know about him. They only want to call him a whore. They accuse him of seducing Steve; of going after him for money. No one remembers that Bucky was the only one to stand up for him, to insist the accusations were bullshit. They say he was only protecting his own name, which makes him laugh and ask what name?

Bucky disappears back into his old neighborhood, sleeping on a friend's couch until he can find his own place. The short time with Steve has left him with enough money that he can actually afford his own place for the first time.

He tries to pretend it was just a business arrangement. It was just a paycheck. The easiest paycheck he'd ever received. But the first night alone curled up on Natasha's couch, he wishes Steve was there. He's a bit too tall for her couch and the blanket a little bit too thin. It seems fitting: Bucky has never quite fit in anywhere. He can hear the neighbors above him moving around and he curls up into a tighter ball. Trying not to feel alone, with his friend sleeping in the other room. He tells himself this is his life, this has always been his life and being with Steve was a vacation.

Time for reality now.

Tomorrow, he'll head into work at a local hardware store, where he's friends with the owner. Minimum wage for ten hour days. If he's lucky, someone will come in needing an extra set of hands for some at-home job.

He knows this is all he should expect from life. He doesn't deserve anymore. Just another poor kid who aimed too high.

The first few days, he has to stop himself a total of nine times from calling Steve and, another fifteen times, he has to stop himself from texting him. By the end of the second week, the media have gotten over it. They have some new person to destroy. Some people still come in and recognize him but his boss is a good guy and makes sure he didn't have to deal with those customers.

Steve texts him, though, and calls him. Bucky erases the first few messages but then there's nothing for days so Bucky makes himself listen to the next voicemail. It's simple and direct, just an _I'm sorry. Loving you was real._

Bucky doesn't erase that one.

Days pass and Bucky doesn't really keep track of them. He keeps to his schedule. Sometimes Natasha drags him out to break up his days and they'll go drinking (he is only nineteen, too young to mope, she says and he rolls his eyes and says, no, he's too old). She tries to convince him to find someone else, if only for a fuck, and to his credit he tries. He lets one guy take him home, rides him on the guy's bed to the pounding of his neighbor's bass. Bucky is gone afterward.

He doesn't want to stay in this life.

He makes himself think of Steve less and less, but at night he can't stop himself. He goes over each maybe and what if in agonizing detail.

The calendar tells him it's been two weeks. Time is all twisted around in his head and it feels like forever. Maybe it was nothing but a bad dream.

Natasha is gone for the evening, off on some date, when there's a knock. Bucky thinks about ignoring it. There's no reason for anyone to come there looking for him, now that he's not interesting anymore. At first, they came wanting to know about Steve Roger's kept man. But after Natasha almost castrated one, they stopped showing up.

Except the person knocks again and Bucky feels bad leaving some stranger stranded in the hallway. It could be a neighbor needing help or some poor kid stuck going door to door.

He almost closes the door again when he sees Steve on the other side.

Steve seems to anticipate it so gets his foot in the way, which brings him closer to Bucky.

"Hi."

Bucky swallows hard. "What are you doing here?" Steve ducks his head, and he looks like a hurt puppy.

"I'm here to talk." He gives Bucky a shy smile and Bucky remembers everything about him he's tried to forget.

"Maybe you should come inside," he mumbles, getting out of Steve's way, leading him to the kitchen. His mind screams at him to turn Steve away, kick him out and let himself go back to trying to pretend. But Bucky isn't very good at being alone. "I can…we have something to drink I'm sure." He buries himself in the fridge, busying himself with finding something.

"Bucky," Steve interrupts. "I don't need anything, I just want to talk."

Bucky takes a deep breath, and turns slowly to face Steve. "I don't know what we have left to say."

Steve looks so sad, like he's been feeling the same ache that Bucky does. Except Bucky knows he doesn't. The arrangement was Steve’s idea in the first place. He knows better than any of the papers what Bucky was doing for Steve's cash. "I miss you," he whispers, letting it hang, heavy and full of potential, between them.

Bucky looks away from Steve and his words, focusing on a crack in the linoleum floor. "We had a business arrangement. That was it."

"No. It wasn't. You know that." The intensity in Steve's voice draws Bucky back to him, makes him look up and meet his eyes. From the start, Bucky has been bad at denying Steve anything. Steve takes a step closer to Bucky, close enough that they can touch and Bucky suddenly, desperately wants him to. 

"Remember the first time you showed up at the studio? On your own."

"You left hand prints on my legs in paint," Bucky murmurs. "And stained one of my only shirts. I…" He bites his tongue to cut himself off before he can confess too much. He suspects Steve knows anyway.

"Come home with me." His hand is on Bucky' arm, not holding, just resting. Warm and solid. "No contracts or arrangements, a real relationship."

"I need to…Natasha, she-" It suddenly sinks in exactly what Steve is asking for. Steve is asking for _him_. Something in his brain short circuits and he just stares wide-eyed at Steve. "You really want me back?"

Steve leans in and kisses his cheek. "I miss you."

Bucky purses his lips and takes a step back and away. "I miss you too but-"

"Then just get dinner with me," Steve says quickly. He looks so desperate, Bucky finds himself saying yes before he can stop himself. Steve looks so happy that Bucky thinks he might actually mean it, everything he's saying.

Somehow, Bucky isn't surprised when after dinner they end up back at Steve's. He is surprised when they don't have sex. They just lie together, tangled up, comfortable. There's a message on his phone from Natasha the next morning, just saying good luck. Steve reads it while pressing lazy kisses to his shoulder and back, drawing a path to his spine. It's intimate and cozy and feels almost as if nothing has changed. Bucky has work in a few hours, but for now he can sit there and soak up Steve's warmth.

"Now what?" Steve asks against Bucky' skin, breaking him out of his comfortable doze.

"I can't…"

Steve slides back up and wraps around Bucky from behind, his fingers finding Bucky's and lacing between them. "I'm right here," he whispers into his ear. "I found you again and I'm not letting go."

"When did you fall in love with me?" he whispers, suddenly painfully curious. He knows he should get up and walk away, go back to Natasha's place and pretend the last night didn't happen. Try to carry on and live whatever life he's supposed to lead. What he wants never mattered before, he should know better than to think he can have everything now.

"I'm not sure. Maybe that night we went to see that play." Steve kisses the skin behind his ear. "Or maybe the next morning, when I was drawing you lying in my bed. You're beautiful, James Barnes."

Bucky blushes. No one ever calls him beautiful. "The newspapers called me a whore," Bucky whispers into the pillow.

"I'm so sorry." Steve holds him tighter. "I'm so sorry. That was never supposed to happen. It wasn't supposed to go wrong like that."

Bucky bites his lip, not sure what he's holding back but there's something he needs to say. The words just aren't there yet. He rolls away from Steve, getting out of bed. Steve lets him go but he can feel the regret in the way Steve wants to hold him back. "Just give me time, ok? I'm not cut out for a life where people recognize me."

"I'm sorry. I didn't think about how to do this right." The worst is, Steve sounds like he means it. He always has.

Bucky has his pants on and is bending for his shirt when he changes his mind, reaches for Steve's shirt instead. "I'll have to come back for that," he says over his shoulder, giving Steve a small smile which Steve slowly returns as he understands.

"I'll make sure it's clean for you."

Bucky moves back towards the bed, leaning in to kiss him. Steve's hand cups the back of his head and it's so tempting to slide back into bed with him and tangle up in the familiar long limbs. He pushes the feeling forcibly aside. "Maybe a movie on Sunday? I have the day off."

"Sunday." Bucky's all set to go when Steve clears his throat. "I want to do this right, Bucky. I promise."

Bucky smiles and nods. "Sunday, Steve."

There's no one lingering to take his picture when he steps out onto the street. He's grateful for that. A little bit of privacy to collect himself as he tries to figure out what he just agreed to.

-

The story no one knows is James Barnes is nineteen but looks older, he gets into clubs with a fake ID and, in one of those clubs, meets Steve Rogers, up and coming artist, walking the thin line between anonymity and fame. Bucky doesn't know much about art so only sees a handsome man who he’s more than happy to let take him home.

He doesn't know what he expects with Steve - if Steve will want to be slow, or make him get on his knees. Bucky's done everything once (and many things more than that) and he's figured as long as it doesn't hurt, he enjoys it.

He knows that he doesn't expect Steve, bigger and taller than him, to want Bucky to top. To be as much an equal in this as Steve. Bucky doesn't get that very often from the guys he picks up so he enjoys it. Steve doesn't tell him to hurry up. He lets Bucky fuck him slow, lets him grab both of Steve's wrists and pin them to the bed so Steve doesn't get himself off too soon.

Afterward, Bucky rolls off to throw away the condom. He automatically starts reaching for his clothes but Steve catches his wrist. He's stretched across the bed to reach Bucky, long limbs all splayed out and one firm hand around his wrist.

"Stay," he murmurs.

So Bucky does.

-

Natasha is there waiting for him when he gets home, with a cup of tea. She has a second cup just waiting for water for him. He prepares it and sits across from her, knowing better than to avoid this conversation.

"You were with him."

"Yea."

"And?"

"I asked him out on a date. On Sunday." He groans softly and takes a long swallow of his tea, grimacing when he realizes he added too much sugar.

"Is he using you this time?"

Bucky takes a long time to think about the question. Steve had promised no contracts this time, just them. He wants to believe that but he's not ready yet. So he shrugs and Natasha nods, understanding.

-

"Can I tell you something?"

Bucky looks over at Steve, who is staring down at his pizza as though it holds the answers to everything. Bucky reaches over and steals off a piece of pepperoni and pops it into his mouth. "Of course. Unless you killed someone, then I don't want to know."

Steve manages a small smile but his anxiety is palpable and it's not making Bucky feel any better. "I was going to ask you to go out with me properly, just before…"

"Before you got accused of paying for sex and arrested in front of the local news?" Bucky's smile darkened. He hopes there's a reason Steve is bringing this all up. The case had been dismissed before it had gone to court, since there wasn't much evidence besides Bucky and he wasn't about to testify against Steve. The accusation had come from an unnamed reporter who had been digging around for information about Bucky. How they found out about their arrangement was still unknown.

Steve flinches. "Before that. I was going to ask you if it could be real."

Bucky swallows hard and picks at his pizza. "And by real you mean-?"

"No contract or any of it. Just dating." He smiles ruefully and, with that off his chest, he seems able to pick up his pizza and eat. Bucky is left staring at him. "And then everything blew up, and you were gone. I thought I'd lost my chance."

They eat in silence for a moment. Steve is careful not to push him for any reaction. Ever since they've gotten back together, Steve has been careful. No dates out of Bucky's price range and no pushing for sex. It’s been nice. Too good to be true. Bucky had never had much luck in his life, unlike Steve, who was taken in, encouraged to paint and to express himself. Everything fell into place for Steve and, maybe now, some of his luck is rubbing off on Bucky.

"Do you want to come over tonight?" Steve suddenly asks. "I don't want to say goodbye yet."

"Okay," Bucky murmurs.

Bucky hasn't been to Steve's place since that first night when they fell asleep tangled up together. Tonight, they start on the couch, kissing lazily. Steve's hand rests on the small of his back, just holding him. It's easy to push Steve's shirt up to run his fingertips over Steve's chest. Bucky doesn't bother counting time anymore but it's been weeks, longer, since they've done anything but kiss and Bucky has never stopped wanting Steve. The kiss grows more heated and Bucky feels it when Steve moans, a vibration echoing through his chest into Bucky's.

The rest of their clothes follow Steve's shirt. Bucky straddles Steve's hips and rocks. Steve's whole body arches off the couch, as if he hasn't been touched in weeks.

As if there's been nobody but Bucky.

Bucky’s breath comes out in a strangled groan and he's torn between leaning down to kiss Steve again and sitting up, watching Steve's face. For now, watching wins out. Steve’s face contorts, and his eyes slip closed, trusting Bucky.

"I want you inside me," Bucky murmurs, stopping himself before they go too far.

Steve forces his eyes open and there's a second as his brain races to catch up. "I don't…not out here." Bucky curses, not sure he wants to go all the way to the bedroom for lube. "Later," Steve promises, cupping the back of Bucky's head and dragging him down for another kiss. His hips start working, and Bucky can't do anything but follow along. His fingers find a nipple, flicking it to make Steve's hips jerk. Steve retaliates by wrapping a hand around both of them, stroking in counterpoint to the way they grind together.

Bucky pushes himself up just enough to see Steve. Watching as his tongue flicks out over his reddened lips. His hair's grown out, haloing around his head. He smirks up at Bucky, sliding his hand from Bucky's head, tracing his jaw to his lips. He presses a fingertip to Bucky's lips. Bucky doesn't hesitate to open for him, sucking two fingers into his mouth, swirling his tongue around them. Steve's eyelids flutter but he clearly has some plan because he pulls his fingers from Bucky's mouth and replaces them with lips and tongue. So Bucky has no warning when the first of his fingers presses against his entrance, there's a dull ache as it works past the muscle and is inside him. The second finger joins the first and Bucky is sharply reminded how skilled Steve's hands are.

He's not sure how much longer he can last with Steve's hands on him and in him. His own hands glide over Steve's side, working to find all the sensitive spots he used to know by heart.

Something must have worked because he feels Steve moan into the kiss and Bucky's not thinking too much after that, just trying to touch as much as he can. He entwines one hand with Steve's, encouraging him to go faster, to be a little rougher. It's not much longer before he comes, almost biting down on Steve's tongue, Steve's name a rough sound in the back of his throat. Steve keeps their hands moving until he follows Bucky over the edge. There's a sticky mess between them and on their hands but Bucky can't bring himself to move off of Steve in a hurry.

"Don't want to fall asleep on my couch," Steve mumbles, gently nudging Bucky until he rolls to his feet. He follows Bucky slowly, pressing a kiss to his stomach as apology before standing. Bucky lets himself be led to the shower, content just to watch the play of muscle under skin as Steve moves.

"You're beautiful," Bucky says softly as he steps under the spray. It's burning hot but feels good on his sweat-cooled skin.

Steve's arms slip around him. "Not like you. I want to paint you."

Bucky laughs, until he realizes that Steve's being entirely serious and his laughter fades while his smile doesn't. "You mean that?" 

Steve hums a yes against his neck. 

"Can I stay tonight?"

"Of course. Any night. Every night. Move in with me."

"Natasha would love me off her couch." The shower is turned off and Bucky grabs a towel and leisurely dries Steve off, cutting off Steve's weak protests with a kiss. "I'm not going to sit around and be your kept man." He's not going to live off of Steve. This has to be different than before.

"How about you sit around and be my muse? I'll give you a cut of my earnings."

"You said no contracts this time."

Steve wraps the towel around Bucky's waist and with slow measured steps leads him from the bathroom to the bedroom. "How about, we find you a job you love, and when I can no longer paint, you take over paying for us?"

They topple into bed together, Steve wrapping himself up tightly around Bucky, until there's no space left between them. "We'll figure it out."

-

Their original contract is simple. For a certain fee, James Buchanan Barnes poses as boyfriend to Steven Grant Rogers so Steve doesn’t have to deal with questions and pressure from others. Bucky goes with Steve to gallery openings and other events. There are occasional dates outside of that, to make sure people believe that they are dating.

Bucky doesn’t have to live with Steve but, at some point, it becomes more convenient to just stay the nights with him. He works at his old job less and spends his days lounging around Steve's apartment.

Sex is explicitly not included in Bucky's list of duties. Which doesn't mean it doesn't happen. They're good at sex.

-

A reporter from the Village is coming by to interview Steve about his upcoming gallery show. Bucky thinks he should probably move. Peggy, Steve's agent, likes for Steve to do these interviews in his studio space. She says it's homey and gives the reporter a little look at what's coming. Bucky likes to use the space to relax. There are big windows and a big couch and Steve splurged on a space heater for winter.

Bucky is sprawled on the couch, one leg hooked casually over the back. He's studying to go back to school. To start over and try his hand at all those opportunities he didn't get before. 

(He's only twenty and Steve says he's too young to think like that. Bucky laughs and says he's not that young.)

He should probably get up and leave before the reporter shows up. They've been able to stay low key since getting back together. It's only inevitable that people figure it out, especially with the new show about to start.

Except moving seems like a ridiculous amount of work, especially when he can tilt his head back and watch Steve at work. Bucky twists around to lie on his stomach so he can watch Steve better. There's not much in the studio right then because most of Steve’s pieces are at the gallery, being prepped for the show. Steve is putting finishing touches on a few last paintings.

There's a knock on the door and Peggy sticks her head in. She seems surprised to see Bucky but it's a happy surprise. "The reporter's here. You ready?"

Steve twists around and nods absently as he fidgets with his brushes, wiping them off on his shirt before getting up to clean them in water. Bucky gets off the couch to close up any paint left open and to make sure everything will be okay if left alone for a little bit.

Steve comes over and stands right in his space. The reporter is coming in now but Bucky barely notices her.

"Can I kiss you?" Steve murmurs. "Right now?"

"In front of her?"

"You're mine, Bucky Barnes."

Bucky smiles and picks at some dried paint on Steve's shirt. "Well, then prove it, Rogers. Kiss me."

**Author's Note:**

> Betaed by the lovely lanyon. Inspired entirely by Sebastian Stan half naked in a pool being a French lady's kept man and then it just exploded into something bigger, pretty much because of lanyon. She causes things.  
> Title from What the Water Gave to Me by Florence + the Machine


End file.
